Friends who open doors and help close them

When I was leaving for Korea, I wanted to tell everyone that I knew goodbye. That seemed simple. It wasn't until I started doing it and saying my goodbye's that I realized how much I needed to clear some of these people out of my life. Some people looked honestly shocked and at the same time some were doubtful. That would be some of the closest family and friends that I know.

What am I getting at with this story? I went to say goodbye to one person whom I wanted to say goodbye and apologize for being absent in their life. Funny what happened after that moment, deeply fucked with me. For you see Jason just dismissed me and told me to leave, which is funny for the fact that was what I was doing. It hurt to be dismissed so passively, a part of me wanted to tell him that he was a jerk. Yet I did the only thing which seemed important at the time. To leave and go do what I was planning to do anyway.

Now it has been a year since that moment passed. An now at this moment I realized that it was karma for being a stupid friend and that seeing the person that he has become is not in alignment with who I am. So yeah it sucked, but I'm glad that I learned the lesson. Now as for the message I sent thanking him for that moment was made of awesome. At least on my part. I was honest enough to thank him for his rudeness, but thank him none the less. An I shouldn't be "oh woe is me". I remember this time from 8th grade when he said something jerkward like and I took no heed to it.There were other moments like them and I took no heed.  Though also on the list of people I have let go of was Tracy. During all the ups and downs that was my life, she too just let me "go". Strange how that happened,but I was a jerkwad of a friend at the time. Not to mention a little over the top. Yet, years later I was able to put her out of mind and let go of the mental space that was being taken up worrying about someone who had also moved on. Sent a nice message over facebook that I hope all was well and ending it with Namaste. Which is the Hindu word for greetings, partings and blessings. I meant it as a blessing and parting. Now that I can see this clearly means I understand some of what I have done in my errors.

Bright Blessing to all and Namaste.

Something strange and sad

Today was good. Spent the day pretending that I was doing things really great and stuffs. Wonderful day dreams about things and people that don't matter and trying to out do them.

Later, my husband comes home. Hugging and kissing. smiling at each other with love. We sit down and then he gets a message from someone. His sister is formally engaged. I stop and want to say something nice, but that is not what comes out of my mouth. We joke about how that they are not talking to each other. Also of how when siblings don't get along how they should work it out. Then it hits me.

I'm jealous. Just plain an simply. There is not much I can do to sugar coat this. Reeling in my head is the fact that we were never engaged. That we just got married. An that we did sow or show truly what is there between us.

The beautiful irony is how I understand how hurt his family is or was. People say they have moved on, but they are waiting for the shoe, like everyone waits.

Dissapointment, Life, Time well spent

To much to talk about and not enough space to blog about it. Glad I went to Seoul this weekend, had a chance to clear my head.

Rudeness

I know it happens all the time, I just wish that people would take the time to think about what their saying before hand.
Somethings will not change people will just be rude and unassuming assholes. Well can't expect them honest with their feelings and opinions. Nope, that would be to easy.
Nah, instead they use Korean as a means to say what they feel. Well, if you can't beat them, then join them they say.
Nooo.... Not in my plans. Figure why not just tell them to fuck off.  Oh yeah my husband works there too and I want for him to keep his job. Gah :O So what am I to do. Keep on keeping on. Smiles and coffee.