Ruby through the looking glass

Spent today listening to some Tori Amos.

Realized that I had never heard the extra songs from her other album "Scarlet's Secret Walk".

She sings of her unborn child and how that didn't turn out how she wanted it to.

There are parts where her voice soars. She is singing about how we as women, we want it all.

It made me think, what is it that I wanted. A loving relationship, got it and it is growing into a loving

marriage. To be respected and at peace with where you are in your life. That is the other "want",

it haunts me in thoughts about. With how I see myself now. I find there is less worry about what others think

me. Now it is that fear that the best of me is gone and what is left is not worth using. Or having for that

matter.

An like Tori I begin to understand her pain of miscarrying, in how parts of myself were miscarried.

They didn't grow to fruit. An what is left is something twisted. Yet green leaves still grow from it. Though

time will tell if the fruit will be pleasing.

Currently it looks like whatever that fruit maybe, it will be okay.